Things I Want Thursday - Boobs, butts, and beer

Here we are...Thursday! I heart Thursday. And I hate when people say they "heart" something, because it's just the wimps' way of saying love. It's like, I'm afraid Thursday won't return the feelings. But you know what? I'm just going to say it. Here I go.

Thursday? I...love...you. And I mean, a lot. I love you. I love Thursdays.

I digress.

Here at Are You Sassified, we've been working hard on our list of wants. *Snort* I just said "hard on."

Sleep deprived much?

Here we go. Here are the things I want...send them to me, and I'll return the favor to you. If you're wanting a nice big box of fresh Illinois air, that is.

I want:

• To get to the point that waking up at 5:00 in the morning doesn't kick my ass for the rest of the day. I've made it 4 days in a row, but Wednesday I got crazy and ended up walking 8.5 miles over the course of the day. Today? I'm exhausted. But I did it.
  

• To get my house clean again. It was relatively clean last weekend, but we've been gone all week, so it's turned into squalor once again.

• To get rid of these lumps on my ta-tas. Not on them, per se. But, in them. The doctors say they are fine. It bothers me. And scares me. And I think about it constantly.

• To make better use of my time. From 6:30 to about 9:00 (when my kids wake up) in the morning, I just...veg out. Especially this week. I know that'd be the perfect time to solve the house cleaning issue, but it just seems like there's something better I could be doing.

• To have my mom magically have internet Friday morning so that she can listen to me on wdbr.com. I'm doing the radio show again, and I wish mom could listen.

• My brother to be magically healed.
  

• Text messaging back on my phone.
  

• A freaking break. I need a day to myself. Five and a half more weeks of summer break. But who's counting?

• To know what the hell kind of bug that was that crawled down the back of my pants last night and bit my butt while I was sitting on the ground. Because it seriously hurts today.
  

• Speaking of butts. I'm tired of mine needing it's own separate area code. This thing is huge. You could hang your jacket on it. Okay, probably not really, but maybe.
  

• Sex, beer, and buffalo wings. Seriously. Does it get any better than that?
  

What about you? What are you wanting today? How can I, with all my infinite wisdom and skill, make your life better?

Irritations

Sitting at the water park on a lazy Tuesday afternoon is the perfect place to compose a list of irritations in my brain. Especially when, later in the day, my son had his last baseball game of the season and we took the kids to eat at a bar and grill at 8:00 at night. Let's just say irritation was the emotion of the day.

First of all, there is something I utterly do not understand. Why do individuals go to a water park without a bathing suit? I understand in some instances, it's a grandparent or a non-swimmer, and that makes total sense to me. But why in the world are there people swimming in the pool, fully dressed? Are they driving by on the interstate and think to themselves, "Hmm...I'm heading to Chicago, but I've got a few hours to kill...I think I'll pay 25 bucks to hit the water park." That seriously bugs me. And I have no idea why.

While I'm on the topic of swimming...ladies, seriously, stop swimming in t-shirts. I understand if you're uncomfortable with the way you look in a bathing suit, but take a look around you. You look basically like the rest of us. The t-shirt makes you look like you're wearing a pup tent, by the time it's all wet and stretched out. Not a flattering look, and I simply don't get it.

And furthermore...companies should be banned from making bikinis over a certain size. What size is that? I have no idea. On one hand, I applaud the brave souls with the amount of self confidence it must take to squeeze ALL that into one of those. But on the other hand...my kids are watching. And there are certain things they just don't need to see.

Also...at the water park, or any pool for that matter, we're all basically half naked. And it appears that about 68.3% of individuals are sporting one or more tattoos these days. I am so tired of tattoo judgers. Seriously. If I have 1 or 101 tattoos, how in the world does it affect you? As I see it, it's my body. If I want to tattoo a 1/100th scale version of the Federated States of Micronesia across my forehead, you can look all you want. But, to verbally berate me is pointless. That being said...if I choose to tattoo a 1/100th scale version of the Federated States of Micronesia across my forehead, I darn well better expect people to stare. Let's just all get along here, people.

I'm irritated with my children lately. I know, I know. There's a big surprise. They're really very, extremely good kids. They are smart, funny, kind, and polite. But they are so sensitive. And it's making me crazy. Last night, we decided that we'd splurge and go to a local bar and grill after my son's last game. We didn't get there until 8:00, when it had become less grill and more bar. There were baseball games on every screen, and my son was yelling across the aisle to a friend of ours that our friend's team was getting beat. It was a loud, crazy, entertaining scene. But my 6 year old grabbed my arm and said, "Mommy, that guy's shirt says 'Cubs Suck.'"

I couldn't help but laugh a little bit, but then told Abs, "I see that, and that's not something we should ever say. That's not a very nice word." I did not yell at her, did not have a firm tone in my voice, simply said it and moved on. She stuck out her bottom lip, and pouted for literally 30 more minutes because she thought I was mad at her.

It's driving me nuts. They all do it, and I hate it. I have no idea how to make it stop.

I'll stop now. I could go on for days. So tell me...what irritates you today?

Today I am amused by...

Today I'm amused by the dude I saw on the motorcycle. He apparently had a phone call, and went to answer his cell phone at a stop light. The problem? He couldn't figure out how to get the cell phone inside of the helmet, so he was trying to answer through his helmet. I wanted to scream at him, "you're doing it wrong!"

I'm amused by my 6 year old telling me that she couldn't do back bends "so good anymore." Her reason? "I think I'm getting older and my back doesn't work as good." Turning 6 has been rough on her, I guess.

I'm amused by my son wondering why his league in baseball doesn't have a "World Serious."

By the fact that my mother went and applied for Social Security yesterday. And later in the day told me to tell my husband to "kiss her ass."

I'm amused by the fact that my entire kitchen counter is now covered in zucchini and cucumbers from my garden. And I don't have an idea what to do with these things.

I'm amused by the fact that I was tempted to take a picture of my cleavage today at the pool and send it to my husband. But then, I realized I didn't have text anymore, so the picture was rather pointless.

I am completely amused by the fact that my friend would like to come visit without children sometime soon. But that we want to plan her visit around The Shandy Chemist's vacation, so that she can meet him and partake of his fantabulous concoctions. It also amuses me that he feels nervous about this fact, because he wonders if he'll screw it up. Completely impossible. But, I digress...

What about you? What amuses you today?

Tune in tomorrow...to see my list of things that irritate me.

Have a beautiful day!

Things I Want Thursday...

Here we are again...Thursday. If you'd like to participate in Things I Want Thursday, feel free to grab my button (gently) and post away on your own blog. Or, simply tell me in the comments section what you're wanting this week.

Oh, and don't forget to send me the things I'm wanting...it's really the best thing to do, don't you agree?

• I want to explain my Wordless Wednesday post. I was cleaning the house, thinking about breast self-exams, getting ready to take my daughter to gymnastics, wondering if my son will have another baseball game, and realizing I'm broke. A scattered wonderland, this head of mine.

• I want the next couple of days to be perfect. One of my best childhood friends is coming to visit, with her three kids. We'll be boating, eating, drinking, laughing, and reminiscing. We'll not be drinking sloe gin, Everclear, or Purple Passion. No, no...those days are long gone. I'm just sayin'.

• I want it to be July 10th, my next radio day. It's seriously the most fun I've had in the longest time.

• I want to have the motivation to do something good for myself every day, even if it's only for 10 minutes or so. But I have a feeling that motivation will be in short supply over the next couple of weeks.

• I want money.
  

• And beer.

• I want the ice cream truck to stop going past my house playing that idiotic music, selling those treats for 3 times what they cost in the store. And seriously...that dude is just creepy.
  

• I want new boobs. I want these boobs hacked off, and new fake ones put in. Ones that won't get lumpy, or bumpy, or saggy, or worrisome.

• I want to know WHY in the hell Rescue Me is having these idiotic musical sequences. I'm saddened to say this, but I do believe this season could be the end.
  

• I want to say all the things I need to say, but can't. Why can't I? Well...some of them don't make much sense. Some of them make sense to only one or two people. Some of them involve things I want that frankly, I shouldn't. Some of them may not be legal, who knows...but, I can't. So I won't. Unless I do. Then, I suppose I will. Got that? Good.
  

So what about you? What do you want? What can I do to make all your dreams come true? Come on lurkers, you know you wanna give it a shot...

Wordless Wednesday - I'm thinking about...